They ask me, “What does it mean to be white?”

At times I feel ashamed. Ashamed of myself, ashamed of my peers, ashamed of what I have, ashamed of my color, ashamed of who I am and at times, even my heritage.

I feel this way so strongly, because I am among the race the delivers harsh and racist ridicule to others around me, because I am white, and because I am ‘privileged’ when others are not.

Those around me are judging and are being judged on what they wear, on what car they drive, on how rich they are. In other words, first world issues. This judging alone can be harmful, maybe what you’re wearing isn’t ‘cool’ enough, or your car isn’t expensive enough, or you’re not rich enough, but this is nothing in comparison to those that are of a different skin tone. They are, in a way, told by society, if not verbally but by one’s actions, that they aren’t the same as us ‘white people’. They’re told that they’re inferior in society and in pretty much every aspect.

We are all judging, constantly, it’s been wired into our brains to do this for survival. Perpetual never ending judging. Will it ever stop?

People are subjected to racism, disdain, contempt and social degrading from their peer,s and those around them. All because they’re not white. This is all because of something that they can not help or change. Skin tone and gender is something you are born with, something that we are given and blessed with. Yet, because of such a simple thing toned people are subjected to harsh ridicule by those who are ‘fortunate and lucky’. Fortunate and lucky meaning those that are white.

From a young age it is ingrained into children that if you aren’t white you are inferior to everyone else. The children would then begin to accept and become antiquated with the racists disdain given to them, which is something no one should ever have to withstand. This is part of not being white.

I am contrite to say that as a seven year old child I used to be scared of dark skinned people. I always felt that they were dirty and unsanitary, I don’t know why, but I would avoid them and look down my nose at them with the thought that ‘they’re too different to fit in’. This is something that I seldom bring up, as it is a memory I am not fond of. However, over the years I quickly came to realize that they are just the same as everyone else, not unsanitary at all, it just meant that they were blessed with a pigment of skin that is different to mine, and there is nothing wrong with this.

I am also regretful to admit that although my father isn’t racist or sexist, he would immediately ‘downgrade’ people, often Maori’s, because of their accent and how they speak. Growing up I was always drilled about ‘speaking properly’. I would be told to not speak with the same slang, or that of many kiwi’s, because it is considered as ‘improper’. He wouldn’t want me to be considered of ‘lower class’ because I would speak how some Maori’s would, with lots of slang and a strong accent.

I have asked several people about their take on ‘What it Means to Be White’. I came back with a common answer, many saying, “It doesn’t matter, we are all equal now anyway, and we aren’t treated differently”.

Another answer was “It never applied to me, so I haven’t really thought about it”.

One even went as far as saying that by asking this question the intent seemed to be for white people to bow down, heads bent, ashamed of the differences between us and how our ancestors treated each other in the past. Though the person who’d said this, then went on to say that they would not ‘bow down’, they are proud of their white coloring and that what happened in the past between the races, happened and we are all moving on.

Once hearing this I immediately thought, are we? are we really moving on? are we all treated equally? No. the answer is no, we are not. As white people are still considered and, as a white female, I can say that some of us still do consider ourselves as the ‘superior race’, be it a conscious thought or not. More people are slowly starting to open their eyes to the reality, and take off their white lenses that they look through, only to realize that we are not all equal. Others, who open their eyes to the real world, turn a blind eye as they can not and do not want to deal with this pressing issue that many face on a daily basis.

For me, I feel that, after writing this, to be white means to be privileged. Privileged, because of what I’m born with and the fact that I don’t have to take the abusive racism or degrading that comes from peoples filthily mouths. What these people go through everyday is something I will never experience, and for that I’m thankful, but it is not fair that others around me endure this. I’m not going to lie, and say I haven’t thought about it and what it means to ‘be white’, because I have… just never in such depth. I wish there were something I could do, to stop this horrendous, inhumane, treatment.

Overall, there is still a long road ahead of us, to reach full equality among the sexes, and races. Looking back a hundred years, shows that much progress has been made, towards equality, though we are not yet finished. I have also found that as I’ve grown and matured, I’ve started to acknowledge that as a ‘white person’, I am privileged from the start but that does not make me superior or inferior to another person of a darker tone. I strongly believe that we should all be equal, although this may not, yet, be the case.

I feel that I have been sheltered from much of the racism in this ugly world and have been taught to look out upon the world with a ‘white lens’, of which I’m only just beginning to remove. To be white means to have an unfair privilege and to be ignorant.